The Necrowizard

Who is The Necrowizard?

The Necrowizard is the unholy ruler of the whole universe. Everyone worships him - they must, otherwise they shall be struck down with a bolt of unobliterable satanic lightning, and have their ears bleed to death from the screech that only the evil dark lord himself creates.

Rules of The Inverted Grim and Frostbitten Commandments of True Kvlt

The Inverted Grim and Frostbitten Commandments of True Kvlt ( RoTIGaFCoTK) has some number of commandments that are superior to all pathetic forms of modern religion. These commands must be followed if you are to be considered true kvlt and harsh penalties such as death, conversion or being left in the wild to be taken under the custody of the The Banana King and his coloured Unicorn servants that host Gaybars.

The rules are:

1. All hail the Necrowizard.
2. Those that don't hail the Necrowizard are commiting blasphemy against the Necrowizard and shall be struck down with either a ball of fire or a lightning strike.
3. Those that do hail the Necrowizard will probably get struck down because they piss me off anyway, pathetic posers.
4. Drink Paul's Iced Coffee.
5. If you wont drink Paul's Iced Coffee, drink Paul's Iced Coffee Lite. Lite is actually preferred over the heavy stuff.
6. If you wont drink Paul's Iced Coffee Lite, get Breaka Iced Coffee.
7. If you wont drink Breaka Iced Coffee, get Farmer's Union Iced Coffee.
8. DO NOT DRINK GOULBERN VALLEY ICED COFFEE.
9. If you cannot or will not drink any form of Iced Coffee you will be struck down and sacrificed for meat to the Necrowizard as fish bait for Grim and Frostbitten gaybars.
10. Satanic incarnations that are said from anyone else besides me is blasphemy against the Necrowizard - Command 9 penalties apply.
11. Pointing out that this goes over 10 is commiting blasphemy against the Necrowizard.
12. The Necrowizard is not always responsible for going into your games and totally owning you, rather it is almost always responsible.
13. The Necrowizard does not approve of $%&*ing double rainbows, unless you are stoned or high on a form of Iced Coffee. You are allowed to replace $%&* with whatever swear word you please so long as it is grammatically correct, otherwise it's considered blasphemy against the Necrowizard and rule 2 applies.

Trivia relating to the Necrowizard

• It is generally believed that the Necrowizard is capable of doing anything, including appearing inside your computer games, dreams, nightmares, and ideas. This has not been proved or disproved.
• The Necrowizard growls for talking - if you cannot understand the words coming out of Satanic Black Metal bands you probably wont understand what the hell he tries to say anyway. Do try though, or Rule 2 of the RoTIGaFCoTK applies.
• The Necrowizard if often mistaken for the Grim Reaper - in reality The Necrowizard took over his job after the Grim Reaper found himself a better job (circus clown).
• Dumb blondes are more likely to commit blasphemy against The Necrowizard, but their punishment is immortal stupidity.
• If The Necrowizard is not physically stronger than someone, he is always smarter and therefore still superior.

Related Links

Video archive of the Return Of The Necrowizard