n. A condition where one is addicted to bookahol. [book-uh-ho-liz-uhm, -haw-]

Bookaholism is characterized by a need for bookahol that cannot be sated by sources of IV Bookahol. There are several stages of reading that lead up to bookaholism, they are unintentional, casual, and frequent use. There are few former bookaholics, partly because of the prevalence of IV bookahol. Most bookaholics stay at stage one or two, without graduating to obsessive levels.

Stages of BookaholismEdit

Please note that these are examples by which to determine your stage of bookaholism. Not all criteria are included, these are representative. To determine your stage precisely (or to suggest other criteria), send a message to Bookaholics Anonymous. Criteria without a minimum number only are applicable if they have happened in the past six months.

Stage 1.Edit

Reads over fifty pages a day, but is not disgruntled when interrupted.

Stage 2.Edit

Reads more than one hundred pages a day, or they now are liable to yell when disturbed.

Stage 3.Edit

Secludes themselves to read and misses functions to finish a book.

Stage 4.Edit

Has stayed up more than four hours past their normal bedtime to read a book, or has experienced an ER episode after four days without more than twenty pages of bookahol per day.

Stage 5.Edit

Has stayed up all night to read or has read all day (longer than eight hours).

Stage 6.Edit

Read two books (each at least 200 pages long) in a 24-hour period

Stage 7.Edit

Has experienced an ER episode after two days without more than twenty pages per day of bookahol.

Stage 8.Edit

Has experienced an ER episode after one day without more than fifty pages of bookahol, or carries a book to prevent such an episode.

Stage 9.Edit

Has frequent ER episodes (at least one a week) or takes great lengths to always have two books.

Stage 10.Edit

Will not be more than an hour without a book (or an ER episode occurs), and carries at least two books at all times. The bookaholic will turn a car around to get a book that was left at the house. The bookaholic will buy a book or stop at the library to prevent being without a book for an hour.

Functioning BookaholismEdit

This condition is usually only seen in a bookaholic of at least stage 5. The bookaholic has made an effort to temper their condition somewhat, and so is sometimes seen socially. They may attend social engagements, but only if they have a book less than five minutes away. This shift from dependent to funtioning bookaholism usually happens at the urging of a family member or concerned friend.

Exponential BookaholismEdit

This occurs when a bookaholic visits a library at least thrice during a week and comes out with more books than can be read before the next visit. As the bookaholic will no doubt find something more to read at the library, they end up taking out even more books, and exponential growth begins as the bookaholic fails to read all the books before they begin to become due. This can also happen with bookstores, but without a time limit.

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