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n. A person who is addicted to bookahol. [book-uh-hol-ik, -haw-lik]

This condition is characterized by a need for bookahol that cannot be sated by sources of IV Bookahol. A bookhaholic often reads more than fifty pages a day, but these don't count (in determining bookaholism) if they are from a textbook that is being studied for a grade. The best way to determine if a person is a bookaholic is to tally how many pages they read in a month. If that averages more than fifty pages a day, they may be bookaholic. If that averages to be over one hundred pages a day, they are bookaholic.


Frequent/Casual/Unintentional UseEdit

Because the Universe of Universe is inhabited by humans who use writing to communicate, a lot of people are casual or unintentional users of bookahol. A select population manage to be frequent users without graduating to bookaholism. A person fits into one of the following categories if they qualify for at least three of the bulleted points in that category.

In determining your category: If you have read this far down the page, you are not an unintentional user. If you read more than five pages on this website, then you are definitely a frequent user. If you have read more than ten webpages in a sitting, or at least 50% of the site, you are a bookaholic.

Frequent UserEdit

A frequent user is often defined as someone who:

  • Actually has read or reads the required books at school
  • Reads more than five books a year, or berates themself for not doing so
  • Habitually reads a newspaper that is weekly
  • Habitually reads at least two monthly magazines
  • Checks their Facebook page more than twice a day

    Casual UserEdit

    A casual user is often defined as someone who:

  • Only reads books required in school
  • Hasn't read more than one book a year since graduating
  • Reads magazines
  • Reads no more than three newspapers

    Unintentional UserEdit

    An unintentional user is someone who:

  • Never reads required books in school, but may still text friends
  • Hasn't read more than one book per five years since graduating
  • Didn't graduate because they flunked for not reading
  • Only looks at pictures in magazines
  • Only reads the comics in newspapers

    Functioning BookaholicEdit

    This person is able to attend a modicum of social engagements, but they have a book less than five minutes away at all times. (See Functioning Bookaholism)

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