Aspirin is a pill often used to relieve headaches, constipation, bad humor, pain, uncontrollable dancing, stress and pretty much anything and is also used for fevers (though due to Reye's syndrome one should not take them as an antipyretic if one's age is 19 or below). Aspirin was once known as acetylsalicylic acid, but its formula is no longer that due to refining and other processes in order to make it treat any symptom. Its current formula is closer to septoxifyline acetylhydrophyslmahgoshdizisalongnamexylsaylicycliprytronide trapezoidalineariqyloperandistic acid, but common language uses the name that was given it commercially. People commonly use it most for its headache-relieving properties.

This article is considered close enough to 3U Science to warrant a disclaimer.

To anyone from the U of U of U: "This article is not meant seriously and is only a joke. Facts from Aspirin that contradict known facts on this subject are untrue and should be ignored."

To anyone else: Carry on.

Its importance in the GSOT stands at #20.